Good Mourning

I don't know if it's legal to write two posts in one day, but seeing as this is my blog, I'm going to do what I want to do.

And technically, it's the next day anyways.

Three days ago I had a conversation with someone that has meant a lot to me for a very long time, and that person told me something I had wanted to hear from her for too long indeed. Amidst the relief and the sadness, I finally broke down and released my grief and anguish from the loss of my experiences with her; the companionship we had shared; and the plans we had made for the future.

There was definite loss, but I would not have realized that loss without the perspective of Dan, my counselor. Until Dan and I talked yesterday, I had not fully acknowledged my grieving as progressive. As it goes with every ended romantic relationship, it is a terrible struggle discerning between feelings of loss and mourning, and feelings of missing and wishing to return.

It is as hazy as close platonic friends, who have a tendency to mistake the bond of caring affectionately for one another with that of romantic love. They can seem similar, but confusion can be fatal. And if one returns to a broken relationship thinking that what they're mourning for can be obtained in new immersion, only the problems of the original mistakes await him.

But what about when I spend time with my other, and we really seem to click? Does that mean it's better? Yes and no. The relationship itself is in an altered state, and you may find that your needs are finally starting to be met by your significant other. But what that really points to is not that it's time to go back. It more likely means that you two compliment each other much better as friends, and are in fact more capable for positive interaction without the romantic side of things.

From what I understood from Dan, however, that doesn't mean I should go and attempt a close friendship with her. But it does bring light into why, when we interact now, it feels much better than it used to. As far as romance is concerned, I must look forward, and search for someone who's strengths compliment my own. And that's not even most immediate. Before I do that, I need to make some friends.