Sunday, September 20, 2009

Feeling Gravity

The last few days have had more than their fair share of excitement. Friday was strange at the start. I started having this feeling of restlessness. Like I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. Even now, in the lull of the day, I feel very uneasy. But Friday I wrestled with this feeling all afternoon until I went to Nate's place. After that, things picked up, as they always do when I visit Nate's house. Many songs and bottled messages later, we all settled down at Steph's house for a sleepover.
I slept until Susie offered to drive me home, where I continued to sleep until the early afternoon. That evening I visited JJ's pad, where he lives with Grant, Micah, Nathan, and Sam. They were hosting a game night, which was pretty fun, save that I had to leave before even the first game had ended. But I hadn't hung out with my favorite Wealthy House in a while, and we were planning a Dirty Dancing Marathon. Ironically, we only watched the first one. But everyone was tired (myself very much included), so we called it a night.
I slept again until the afternoon. I've probably been tired because I've been fighting a cold. And I imagine, I feel restless because I'm doing less due to my cold. But I'm really praying there isn't more of a reason. My mind is definitely not dualistic. My flesh and my spirit are one. I just wish that I felt more at ease right now.
Sometimes--in moments like these--I feel as though I hear the Earth yawning and groaning as it hurls around the sun. As though the whole motion does involve me, and my being is aware of its speed and its gravity. As though, at any moment I will be called to help in its turning. Am I the only one who feels as though the universe is watching me? As though it's waiting on my action? And what if I don't move? What if I let the Earth carry itself?
Is this what the voice of God sounds like?

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